There are TOO MANY BOYS in Lord of the Rings!
by Jezebella
Summary: Galadriel, Arwen, Eowyn and Rose realize this, and they decide to do something about it. Come on, we KNOW guys have one big weakness! It's a very silly story, tell me if I should continue this!


All right, we know that there aren't enough girls in LOTR. Being a girl, I am not content with that. Apparently, neither are the few LOTR girls. So they decide to prove, once and for all, that they are just as good (Or better) as the boys!

  
  


**************

Galadriel was in her bedchamber, pondering. Arwen came in, and asked,

  
  


"What are you pondering about, granny?"

  
  


Galadriel frowned.

  
  


"Please don't call me granny, because it makes me feel old, even though I'm almost 4000. I'm pondering about why there are only four girls in this very long 1000 page book."

  
  


"There are more than that, aren't there? What about Lobelia?"

  
  


"She doesn't count. She's too old."

  
  


Arwen thought a moment. "There was Tom Bombadil's daughter..."

  
  


"And how many paragraphs does she appear in?"

  
  


Arwen sighed. "There's you, me, Eowyn, Rose Cotton, and... hmm..."

  
  


Galadriel stood up. "We should do something about this! Just because this is an almost all-male book doesn't mean that they're better than us!"

  
  


"Then what shall we do?"

  
  


Galadriel smiled evilly. "Go call Eowyn and Rose. I have something good in mind..."

****************

  
  


The four females sat around in a circle, with Galadriel standing in the middle.

  
  


Galadriel spoke to them. "You have been summoned here to take care of something bad that belongs to all the peoples of middle earth!"

  
  


Eowyn was puzzled. "Didn't Elrond say something like that?"

  
  


Galadriel shook her head. "This is different. Have you noticed that there are practically no women in Lord of the Rings?"

  
  


Rose spoke up. "I noticed that! I'm the only girl in Hobbiton that is ever mentioned. Except for Lobelia."

  
  


Arwen said "We should do something, girls!"

  
  


Galadriel smiled again. "I have a plan... to show those macho boys that we're just as good... no... BETTER than them! As you all know... all males have one MAJOR weakness..."

  
  


And so she revealed her evil plan to them.

********************

  
  


The next day all the male LOTR characters were assembled in a theater. They didn't know why they had been summoned here, but it was all very strange the way Galadriel had called up all of them.

  
  


Suddenly a voice from backstage started:

Where's all my souls sisters  
Let me hear ya'll flow sisters

  
  


Gimli was confused. "What does she mean by that?

  
  


Galadriel came out onto the stage wearing some very sexy lingerie, accompanied by Arwen, Eowyn, and Rose, who all started dancing and moving suggestively.

  
  


Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister (oh)  
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister

  
  


All the guys now are blushing tremendously, and some are drooling.

Galadriel started singing.

  
  


He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge  
Struttin' her stuff on the street  
She said, "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?" (woah)

  
  


Celeborn frowned and pouted to himself "Who is this 'Joe' guy?" He was silenced by angry glares and continued to watch as all four of them sang

  
  


Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da (yeah-ey)  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here (here)  
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (ooh yeah)  
Creole Lady Marmalade

  
  


Pippin and Merry's eyes were promptly covered up by Eomer. "You children shouldn't be watching this." "Haven't you gotten it through your thick head that we're not kids?!" On stage the four dancers moved very seductively while singing

  
  


Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir  
Voulez vous coucher avec moi (Yeah yeah yeah yeah)

  
  


Frodo asked "Gandalf, what does that mean?" Gandalf, who knew, said "Umm.... it's a... very old form of elvish.... I dare not utter it here..." under his breath muttering, "with all these other guys around who have better chances with Eowyn than me..." Back on stage Arwen stepped up

  


He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up  
Boy drank all that Magnolia wine  
Upon her black satin sheets  
I swear he started to freak yeah

  
  


All the guys now have nosebleeds, and some were trying to climb up onto the stage, but Galadriel kicked them off.

  
  


Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da (yeah-ey)  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here (here)  
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (ooh yeah)  
Creole Lady Marmalade

  
  


Pippin- "I like chocolate!" Merry corrected him. "It's not 'chocolate' it's 'chocolata' Haven't you been studying your very old form of elvish?"

  
  


Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ah, oh)  
Voulez vous coucher avec moi (Yeah yeah yeah yeah)

  
  


Elrond's brain was showing dim signs of activity, through all this *excitement* "Wait.... in an very old form of Elvish that means...." He suddenly remembered, and his nosebleed was replaced with something... else..." (^ ^;) Eowyn took over the singing then, dancing very suggestively.

  
  


We come through with the money and the garter belt  
Let 'em know we got that cake  
Straight up the gate

  
  


Pippin- "I like cake!" Merry- "So do I!"

  


We independent women, some mistakes us for whores

  
  


Boromir snapped his finger in disgust. "You mean you aren't? Darn!" Sam looked over st him strangely. "Aren't you dead?" Boromir shook his head. "I was faking." Sam hit him on the head with his cooking pot. "Quiet!" Boromir collapsed, and Sam continued to watch.

  


I'm sayin' why spend mine when I can spend yours

  
  


Eomer looked up strangely "My what? My money! No! You can't have it!" (Faints)

  


Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry

  
  


Guys- "That's ok, we forgive you!"

  


I'm a keep playing these cats out like Atari

  
  


Merry and Pippin both asked at the same time "Who's Atari?" They were silenced by Eomer and Aragon, who they promptly got into a fight with, and all four are kicked out of the theater. They hit the wall hard, and are out cold. Saruman laughed, but then Gandalf "Your staff is broken Saruman, and so are you!" Saruman swore, and hastily left before he got into any more trouble

  


High heeled shoes getting love from the dudes

  
  


Gimli, Theoden, and Denethor all stood up "We'll give you some love!" Legolas shot them with popcorn kernels, knocking them unconscious

  


Four bad ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge

  
  


Gandalf clamped his hands over Frodo's ears. "You're too young to be hearing such offensive language!" Frodo kicked him off, and Legolas shot more popcorn kernels to make them take a little *nap* next to the other four idiots by the wall. The only ones left now are Legolas, Celeborn, Bilbo and Elrond. (They were able to stay calm. Elf self restraint. Hmm.....) All four girls are now dancing

  
  


Hey sisters, soul sisters  
Better get that dough sisters

  
  


Sam wakes up momentarily "I... like.... dough...." before falling back asleep. Eowyn resumed her risque movements.

  
  


We drink wine with diamonds in the glass

  
  


Bilbo spoke up "I still have an old bottle from 1296, wanna share it with me, Eowyn?" Haldir shot him with popcorn kernels, and he fell down on his face.

  


By the case the meaning of expensive taste

  
  


Eomer shot up again "You can't have my money! No, Eowyn, no! I can black mail you! I have plenty of dirt on you! I-" Haldir shot him with a kernel, but it accidentally hit Legolas. They got into a fight. The girls sang

  


You wanna gitchie, gitchie, ya ya (come on)  
Mocha Chocolata what?  
Creole Lady Marmalade  
(One more time c'mon)

  
  


That got Elrond's attention. "Again? Cool!" Someone from the back of the theater yelled "SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO WATCH!!!" Elrond was kicked into the fight, and the three elves started to wonder what they were fighting about, when the girls started signing, and they resumed their watching (And nosebleeds)

  
  


Marmalade (ooh)  
Lady Marmalade (ooh yeah)  
Marmalade (ooh, hey hey hey)

  
  


Sam woke up again momentarily "Marmalade is such a nice thing to have for second breakfast on your bread!" before he fell asleep again.

  


Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, hey  
Colour of caféé au lait (all right)

  
  


Sam woke up one more time "I take my coffee with cream! Lots of *cream* Eowyn... hehehe...." Elrond shrugged. "Too much pipeweed."

  


Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried  
More (more) more (more) more (more)

  
  


Haldir- "MORE!!" Legolas flicked a particularly large kernel at him, and sent him rolling unconscious to the other side of the theater.

  
  


Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5 (9 to 5)  
Livin' the grey flannel life (oh pity)  
But when he turns off to sleep memories creep  
More (more) more (more) more (more)

  
  


Legolas- "MORE!!" Elrond tackled Legolas, and the two of them got into a fight, which Elrond won. Legolas lay by the wall with all the other male characters.

  
  


Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da (yeah-ey)  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here (here)  
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (ooh yeah)  
Creole Lady Marmalade

  
  


Elrond was still sitting there, with a smile on his face, thinking 'There's no way I'm going to miss the rest of the performance!

  
  


Galadriel realized that too. "Girls... we gotta give this guy something that he won't help but faint from, got it?" she whispered. They nodded, and continued, *swinging* and *bouncing* even more than before.

  
  
  
  


Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ah, oh)  
Voulez vous coucher avec moi (Yeah yeah yeah yeah)

  
  


Elrond was blushing tremendously, but still managed to stay conscious from all the *excitement* He knew he couldn't keep it up for long, though. Then...

  
  


Galadriel (oh yeah ooh)

  
  


Galadriel started to make some very inappropriate motions toward him, as if beckoning for... something.... Elrond took one look at that and nearly coughed on his nosebleed.

  


Arwen (Lady Marmalade)

  
  


She thought 'Ugh... my own father....' but still managed to get him very... *excited*

  


Eowyn (hey hey uh uh uh uh uh uh uh)

  
  


She shook her hair, which was dyed at the ends flourescent colors (Pink, lime, etc.) Elrond's eyes rolled up into the top of his head.

  


Rose (oh oh ooooh)

  
  


Who says you have to be tall to be sexy? Rose sure *showed* that to Elrond (I'm not gonna describe it) He suddenly felt dizzy, and stood up slowly, resting on the chair- arm.

  


Rot wilder baby (baby)  
Moulin Rouge

  
  


At that all four girls made some *very* suggestive movements, and at that Elrond fainted to the floor.

  


Misdemeanour here

Creole Lady Marmalade ooh yes

  
  


It was all too much for Elrond, as he fainted to the floor.

  
  


"Yes, girls, we did it! We proved that once and for all, we are so much better than all those macho boys!" Galadriel smiled, as all the other girls did. Then someone came up the aisle, toward the stage. It was Gollum. "Hello... my preciouses... you maybe comeses over to my cave tonight?" They looked disgusted, and Gollum frowned. "Fine... be like thatses... I found one more girlses for you... sayonarases..." With that he dumped something that looked like a frog at the bottom of the stage. It spoke. "Hello, my name is Ioreth!" "AAAAAH!" They all screamed and ran to the nearest exit. Ioreth shrugged. "What's their problem?" "Not you! Behind you!" Arwen shouted, before dashing through the door outside.

  
  


Behind Ioreth was Sauron, holding some roses witha name tag 'to the four sexy females' when he saw Ioreth on stage, he screamed like a little girl, and ran away, screaming. Everyone applauded. "Yay Ioreth! You defeated Sauron!" "I did?"

  
  


Behind her, the boys were awaking. They saw Ioreth on stage. "AAAAAH!" They were unconscious again. "Yay, Ioreth! You defeated the macho boys too!"

  
  


************************


End file.
